Posts Tagged ‘ faith ’

dubstep, wine, friday night…

this is more a post on general reflection.  fuck spell check because i dont have time for that shit and i’m writing now that i’m inspired.

my business is growing but not fast enough.  we currently have 3 closed deals and a 4th on the way but we want to be doing 20-30 a month, not fucking 4.  our marketing is fucked and it feels like everything we do is an uphill battle.  you hear these success stories of people talking about how they struggled for so fucking long then it “finally took off,” well what the fuck?  this goddamn jet has been sitting on the runway long enough.  i have a business meeting tomorrow with the other principals to discuss our current problems and try to find ways to resolve them; therefore tonight i’m staying in and finishing off a bottle of cab.

all this shit drives me fucking crazy because i’m so dedicated and won’t stop at anything until i hit my goal.  the thing that pisses me off is that i feel like it SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD…  i started this goddamn blog two years ago and was working on various business endeavors for many years prior to starting my blog…  in fact, this has been a goal of mine since i moved to Arizona, which happened 7 FUCKING YEARS AGO.  What the fuck?!

a million dollars isnt a lot of money anyways so i don’t know why i’m having so much trouble getting there…  it sure as hell won’t buy you what it used to.

the company i work for currently, while i’m working on my own business is a perfect example of the type of shit that drives me nuts.  its run by a bunch of goddamn monkeys.  there is no organization whatsoever and their customer service is a fucking disaster.  the company as a whole is one of the most poorly run businesses i’ve ever been a part of, yet they are making millions…

goal was to have 500 properties by the end of 2012 and there is no way in hell that shit is happening with our current setup.  we keep spending money testing different marketing avenues and nothing seems to work.  its extremely frustrating.

i’ve said this so many times before and $1,000,000.00 is really not what i’m after.  its not the fucking money, its the FREEDOM that money provides.  the ability to do what you want, when you want.  the ability to travel, to enjoy life, to never worry about finances or bills.  THAT’s what i’m after…

7 fucking years.  i can’t believe it.  7 years and i’m still in the same fucking position i was in when i first moved…  unreal.

my only hope is the belief that all of the learning, and struggling, and growing as a man both personally and in business, has made me that much more likely to succeed now, verses in 2005.  without that, its like i wasted the last 7 years of my life.  i cant think that way.  i wont think that way…

it all has to be part of the process right?  steps in the right direction?  it fucking HAS to be…

currently listening to Lana Del Rey – Born to Die (Gemini Remix)

peace

Faith in oneself

Tonight I was thinking about everything that has happened in my life, especially in the last 5 or so years since graduating college.  I always felt and knew that I was destined for bigger and better things but for whatever reason nothing seemed to work out.  I’m talking in specifics regarding my career, business ventures, wealth, and personal growth.

It’s extremely hard to describe something that you’ve always felt was your destiny to achieve, yet your confidence or self-worth never allowed you to achieve it.  It’s almost as though the last 5 years of my life has been one big contradiction.

Then I started thinking in regards to what I have accomplished thus far in my life and it’s definitely shed light on some things.  For instance, my biggest issue with acquiring wealth and success is that there is a constant doubt in the back of my mind that I can’t do it or that I’m not worthy of it; that I lack the skills, motivation, or drive to actually make it big.  However I know now that this isn’t the case anymore and here’s why.

In working with my current business partner we’ve had some lengthy discussions about our goals for this company and what we are trying to do.  My business partner said that one of his biggest problems was that he doesn’t trust his gut enough, which is why things he’s worked on in the past 5 or so years never worked out.

“This company looks ok; I guess I’ll work here for awhile.”  When in actuality, his gut is telling him it’s a fucked up operation and he shouldn’t work there.

“This business venture looks interesting and sounds lucrative.”  When in actuality something doesn’t seem right about it, and it probably won’t work out (I’m talking about things he has looked into starting in the past, not our current business). 

And so on…

During one of these discussions I asked him what his gut was telling him about our current business venture, me, and what we are doing.  He mentioned that his gut told him that what we are doing is right, we are on the right path, and most importantly that I am the “guy” that can make it happen.  This is coming from a guy who is in his 60’s and at one point in time ran a hedge fund with over 20 million dollars worth of private investments.  So if his gut is telling him that I’m the guy, why the fuck should I believe any different?

My old sales job before I started my debt settlement company was run by 3 people.  All 3 of them collectively agreed that I was the “guy” that would build their sales force and take them to the next level, which is why I was promoted to sales manager.  In 8 months time I did just that, so why should I doubt my abilities in the slightest?

When I started my debt settlement company, I partnered up with a 60 year old business owner who was already a multi-millionaire.  I told him what I was going to do and what I needed, and he believed in me and gave me the opportunity to start my debt settlement business.  Although things didn’t end up taking off quite as anticipated, the initial belief and trust in my abilities was there.  So why do I lack any sort of confidence in myself?

My friend, who was recently laid off from his job, still comes to me when he has any business questions or when he needs career advice.  Even though I’ve yet to build myself a successful and lucrative company, he repeatedly tells me that I know my shit, and I know business; which is why he always wants to hear my thoughts first before he does anything.  Yet I think I’m incapable of building a successful business/company/career?

Not anymore…

If I’m constantly able to partner with and find people whom genuinely believe in my skills, intelligence, work ethic, drive, motivation, and ability to achieve success, then it’s time I stop with all this “self-loathing” bullshit and make it fucking happen.  I highly doubt 60yr old business owners and entrepreneurs, who have already earned millions of dollars, would chose to work with a 28yr old and invest their own money if they really doubted that I could do what I said I could do.

This recent thought has really made everything clairvoyant.  Any doubt that I once had is almost extinct and now it’s time for me to really spread my wings and show my full potential.  Wealth is all a state of mind, and now I can honestly say for the first time that my mindset is where it needs to be.

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