My life is at a crossroads right now…


It’s a shame the last 2 months of my time were ultimately wasted, but it was one of those things that had to be done.  The idea was sound; the business made sense, and until we got in there with both feet there would be no way for us to tell if it was worth it.  Unfortunately it wasn’t.  At least I won’t ever be wondering if the business would have been the real deal.

So with this new thing we are going to place an ad in the Wall Street Journal this weekend, and we should know almost immediately if it’s going to be our saving grace or not.  The guys we are working with, placed the same exact ad in the WSJ and had fantastic results, so I don’t see why it would be any different for us.

This new thing has to be our saving grace and we really don’t have any more options.  My business partner is admittedly flat broke.  I’m pretty much broke as well, and even once I get the 10k that I’m waiting on, I need to have a business venture to work on so I don’t piss away all of that money on living expenses with nothing to show for it.  Failed business after failed business, failed attempt after failed attempt, and I keep telling myself that with every failure, I become that 1 step closer to hitting it big and acquiring the level of success and wealth I’ve been dreaming about.

My personal life has been somewhat strange lately.  My workouts have been excellent and for some reason I’ve been much happier in the gym.  I’ve also been more personable and approachable.  I know this because I’ve been lifting at the same location for years now, and just recently have I been talking to the regulars and getting to know some of them.  It’s been cool.

The gym has always been my home away from home and it’s nice to know members of the “family.”

Despite these things, it’s hard for me to stay happy and maintain a positive mindset until I get some damn financial stability.  Right now that really is the missing piece to my happiness.  I’ve been surprisingly more positive and happy this past month, despite my financial situation than ever in the past.  The issue is that my mood still has a tendency to swing up and down, and I know it’s due to the fact that I’m broke and still am not sure how I intend to earn a living.  Actually, not even earn a living, but attain my goals of financial freedom by the time I turn 30.

Right now if I had a million dollars in the bank, I’d imagine my lifestyle wouldn’t change too much.  I’d still be working out like crazy and loving every second of it.  I would obviously own a home, instead of rent, and would be driving a nicer car, but otherwise shit wouldn’t be different.

I’m also coming to the realization that I’m really ready to settle down if I were to ever meet the right person.  It’s kind of hard to meet people when you are broke but hopefully that won’t be an issue in the near future once we start closing some of these real estate deals.

The dream of moving to California will always be present in the back of my head, but who the fuck knows what’s going to happen in my life the next couple of years.  If this business takes off and after a few years I’m still sitting in this apartment by myself then I’m sure I’ll be off to the west coast.  If that’s not the case, then who knows.

It’s kind of hard for me to explain how I’m feeling.  Last week I really was on cloud 9, and yesterday I felt like a million bucks, but today I was a little down for no particular reason.  I really want to feel the way I felt last week all the time and the only thing I can put my finger on as being the reason for these up and down moods is my financial situation.

We just got to close 1 deal and everything will change.  Once we close 1, we can figure out how to close more, and the commissions are large enough that the sky is the limit.  Please God, just let me close one deal after we run this ad this weekend.

I’ve paid my dues; I’ve proven that I’m not going to give up.  Just bless me with the rewards associated with hard work and diligence.  I’ve tried so fucking hard and pressed forward through every road block you’ve thrown at me.  Now it’s time for you to throw a little luck my way and smile, because deep down inside you know I’ve earned it.

I refuse to believe that someone who has put in as much hard work as me, and has failed as many times as I have does not deserve to hit it big at least once.  I know of tons of individuals who have struck gold with little to no effort.  Now it’s my turn, and the only difference will be that I won’t take it for granted because I know firsthand how much work it took, and how easily it can all disappear.

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