I had an interesting revelation yesterday

I was at the gym and after I finished lifting weights I hopped on the treadmill to do some cardio.  I fucking hate cardio because I’ve always considered myself more of a strength athlete, however lately I’ve been enjoying it more than usual.  It’s good to just throw on your iPod and zone out and think about shit.

So I’m there doing my cardio, obviously thinking about work(what else is new right?) and I started thinking about every previous job I had prior to starting my own company.  There was a common trait amongst all of my previous jobs that I never really noticed until now.  At every single job I busted my ass for my boss and for the owner of the company.  For whatever reason, I had this huge drive to make them believe and feel that I was a great employee and that they made the right decision by hiring me and giving me a chance.  It’s almost as if I put their interests ahead of mine own.

Now its hard for me to say whether or not that same attitude carries over being that I’m self employed because I really don’t have work to do.  I have this amazing drive/work ethic and I’m sitting around on my ass all day.  It’s such a damn waste.

But then I started thinking about my own self esteem and the issues I have with becoming successful.  I think this is somewhat the route of the problem of everything that I’m dealing with right now.  Subconsciously I feel as though I’m not worthy of wealth, and whether I’m aware of it or not, I sabotage myself so that I fail.  Deep down inside I don’t feel as though I should have the money, nice things, and financial freedom.  Deep down inside I feel like I’m a fucking failure.  I was in the past, and I will be in the future.

I’m a firm believer that wealth is a state of mind, so how the fuck can I expect to achieve wealth when my subconscious state of mind is setup for mediocrity and misery?

I really need to get a hold of these self-esteem and depression issues if I ever expect to become successful because it will never happen if I don’t.

I’ve posted on here in the past that I really do think as though I’m supposed to be successful and wealthy.  However what I’m trying to say is that although I might convey that feeling and emotion externally, internally there is a civil war going on.  Optimism verses pessimism, positive verses negative, and success verses failure.

I’m too afraid to honestly say which side I think is winning right now.

    • Drasko
    • June 17th, 2010

    I hear ya dude! I sometimes have the same thoughts but Im working on getting through it. I found a great program that is helping out quite a lot. Its based on eliminating limiting beliefs that cause your subconscious to think backwards (usually because of learnt negative things such as Im not worthy) as a given and thus affects so many of your actions. You can try it out for free: http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free/ (Im not worthy is a belief available within the actual purchased program along with a whole bunch of money ones Im working on now). Alternatively you can get the book of the same name – Recreate Your Life by Morty Lefkoe to see the method in action (though its really better experienced). Hope that helps!

    • Thanks for the info, i’ll check it out!

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