It’s my fucking destiny, but when will it be fullfilled?


I never watch the news and generally try to stay on top of current events from what I read online. Basically, if a story has negative connotations, I chose not to read it, or simply skim over it.  One of my biggest battles throughout this entire ordeal has been staying as positive as possible, so naturally I want to avoid anything negative like it’s the plague.

Whereas the news fucking thrives off of that shit and does nothing but cram it down your throat.

I watched; I shit you not, 5 minutes of the nightly news tonight before I had to shut it off. They started off with a story about how a recent poll shows that Americans no longer believe in the “American dream,” and are afraid for what the future holds for their children. Many of them came across as practically giving up hope entirely.

Fantastic…

Then they go into the gulf oil spill story, which is another fucking train wreck.

If you want people to feel better, and this country to start to turn things around, it starts with the fucking bullshit propaganda we all see every night. If you keep telling everyone things are bad, how the fuck do you expect people to think that things are going to get better?

Here’s an idea, why not report something positive for a change, and report it at the beginning of the news instead of some after-thought at the end.

Americans have given up hope
The gulf oil spill continues to pollute the gulf coast
North and South Korea are going to war
Random murder/shooting
Random death in car wreck
it just goes on…
and on…
and on….

This is the last goddamn thing I need with all of the shit I’m dealing with right now.  It’s only Tuesday and I’m having some serious issues dealing with my business and how I plan to turn this thing around.  I have the remainder of this week, plus next week with nothing but my thoughts and I just pray to GOD that I don’t go off the deep end.

So as I sit here sipping my Jim Beam and coke, and refreshing the Suns – Lakers game online, it’s only natural for me to start thinking about things and questioning what the fuck I’m doing.

What it comes down to is this; if these new leads don’t work out well, I’m not sure how much longer I can hang on.  So I guess that means I HAVE to make these leads work at ALL costs.  If I have to work 14 hour days, so be it.  Anything and everything, it will be done.

I mentioned earlier that I was going to try and put a positive spin on everything I write from this point forward so here it is; I can put food on the table, I can pay my bills, I have reliable transportation, and I don’t have any mouths to feed other then my own.  I’m in a much better position then a large portion of our population right now, so I need to run with it and feed off of it.

It’s so hard to explain, but I know I’m destined for bigger things.  I know I’m supposed to be the wealthy one in my family, and I know I’m supposed to have the nice house, the nice cars, the nice clothes and everything else.  I just feel as though it’s what I’m meant to be.  It’s not an easy concept to understand unless you have a similar mindset but it’s more then a “dream” to me; it’s an actual glimpse into my future.  It’s my fucking reality 3 years from now.

Thanks to everyone who has read my posts and left comments over the past couple of weeks.  All of your contributions are appreciated!

I think I’m going to need a bigger bottle of Whiskey, the Beam is almost done.

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