Currently listening to “Private Hell” by Alice in Chains

This is my favorite song on their new album.  They are such an amazing fucking band, and to all you fuckers who are pissed off that Duvall is singing, get fucking over it.  Layne is dead; the band had to move on.

All day today, I’ve felt like I needed to write something to get shit off my chest, but I’m not really sure what to write, or how to put into words what I’m feeling.

It’s kind of like when you run out the door and feel as though you forgot to do something, but aren’t sure what it was.  Then several hours later it hits you.

Right now, I know I need to get some crap off of my mind, but I can’t quite pin-point what it is.  Hopefully it will hit me later.  Regardless, work has been slow today, so when that’s the case, it gives me way too much time to sit and think/dwell on shit, and that’s what drives me insane.  I love when I’m busy because I’m just hustlin’ making money and have no time to think or worry about shit that might not be going so well in my life right now.

I wish it was fucking 6 months from now, and business was at a point where it was blowing up and everything was kosher, but its not.  It’s March 31st and shit has been difficult in both my business and personal life and I’m beginning to wonder when things are going to turn for the better.

You all have to understand, this is something I’ve been working towards and have wanted since I graduated college 5 years ago.  I only started this blog at the beginning of March, but these thoughts and feelings have been present for much longer then that.  There are days when I can hardly contain the shit from pouring out and there are other days that are fucking great.

I want this thing to take off, and I want to start traveling back and fourth from here to CA.  I want to have my house in CA and my apartment here.  I want to enjoy some of the nicer things that life has to offer.  Nicer clothes, nicer car, nice home, etc…  Life is a gift and I want to take advantage of that gift until the day I die.  I don’t want to piss it away and waste time enjoying that gift.  I think that’s why I’m always stressed the fuck out when things aren’t taking off as quickly as I’d like, or when things don’t seem to be going according to plan.

I want to live my fucking life; which is hard to do being cooped up in an office all day!  I know the end will justify the means, and 2, 3, 5 or 10 years from now, I’ll look back at all of this shit and just smile.  I’ll love the fact that I did this shit on my own, that I worked my ass off for it and that I earned every fucking cent.  I wasn’t handed a goddamn thing and that speaks volumes.

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